Goodbye 2017…. Part Two

The one resounding question I have heard over the past year is – Do You miss sewing?

The answer to that is very complex and has changed over time.  Right now – No, I don’t miss it.  What I do miss however, is filling my spare time with sewing.  Waking up on my days off and being able to say – Hey, I’ve got nothing much to do today, I’ll make something.  Or knowing a special person in my life has a big milestone to celebrate, and being able to think – I know, I’ll make them a quilt.  THAT is what I miss.

The longer answer to that question is this – The decline in my ability to sit and sew for hours on end had been steady and slow.  I was holding on for dear life, finding an hour or two to smash something out on the sewing machine, but then paying for it in the days after.  I’d always been a big fan of “go hard or go home”, so just chipping away at a project, a little bit at a time, it just didn’t appeal to me.  Still doesn’t!  The constant pain I suffered following a burst of creativity became too much.  And after a while, when you begin associating something you love, as something that causes you pain – it’s easy to fall out of love….. And that’s exactly what occurred.

As I fell out of love with the one hobby I was truly passionate about, I became pretty bloody down and out about everything else going on in my life.  It opened my eyes to the fact that I didn’t really have much else to spend my spare time on.  The kids were all becoming way more independent, with only one primary schooler left in the household.  And my husband’s new role within our junior football club, meant he was spending more hours than we had envisioned away from home.

I withdrew from the social side of quilting.  Stopped going to Guild days.  Felt anxious about catch ups with my Melbourne quilting friends, and made excuses not to join in.  And I also gave up on the writing and blogging commitments I had made with magazines and other bloggers.  I felt like I was a bit of fraud, if I’m honest.  I had this social media persona, and was known to churn out projects quicker than most.  All the hard work over the previous five years, building my business, and my “brand”, was going down the gurgler…..  And, ultimately, I was lonely.

Add to all of this a splash of chronic pain, slow burning anxiety and a battle with insomnia, and you wouldn’t be surprised that I think I possibly spent the majority of 2017 in some kind of depressive state.  And that’s a really hard thing for me to write down…..

The last couple of months of the year were possibly the most difficult.  Our house (it’s a whole other blog post) has major issues and we’d also spent the year battling the insurance company through lawyers, and after a small win, the work was beginning.  I was surrounded by jackhammers, which managed to add to the chaos in my own head.  And the stress of the past couple of years all came together and culminated in me finally losing it……  And when I lost it, I reflected on all the combined issues and started addressing them…… And waved goodbye to 2017, with a bit of “fuck you” thrown in for good measure 😉

 

 

 


11 Responses to Goodbye 2017…. Part Two

  1. Anja Bondareff says:

    Keep writing…we are reading and crying that you have been battling along in silence. Just don’t stop talking, and well done for breaking down the wall and the voices saying you are a fraud……you are the real deal….you add value….you are genuine…..you are telling your story, and it is worth telling.

    • I couldn’t say this any better than Anja. But thanks for sharing and keeping it real. Last year was full of taking my mum and son to hospitals and doctors and various pets to vets and vet specialists. I also helped relocate my parents to a villa in an aged care facility closer to our family. I’m not sad to see the end of 2017 either.

  2. Bronwyn says:

    This resonates with me so much. I’ve had ongoing stressors this last year, and haven’t really done enough to address them. Instead I’ve let them all build up and grind me down. Fingers crossed I can get on top of them this year. And you too. xxx

  3. Louise Cannell says:

    Oh, I am so very very sorry you have been going through such agonising times 🙁 I can really empathise with you.
    I have had to transfer my beloved husband to a dementia secure wing in the nursing home where he has resided for the past 2+ years, battling with Fibromyalgia and a dozen other matters! So can really appreciate the depression/anxiety poor head you have been going through.
    Praying your 2018 will be a true positive blessing in every way and you will be able to find the time to just enjoy God’s creation, some healing rest and the precious company of other like-minded quilting/sewing friends and return to much improved health.
    xxx

    • Ms Midge says:

      Oh Louise, I’m sorry to hear about your husband and what you’re going through. Stay strong and keep smiling lovely xxx

  4. Lace Faerie says:

    Absolutely! Keep it going, your mojo will return.

  5. Katharine von Bibra says:

    Hi Melissa, thanks for the share and the honesty …. I can relate! Wishing you all the very best for 2018. Onwards and upwards…and always remember that you can’t keep,a good woman down (well, not for long, anyway😊). Kindest regards, Katharine xx

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