Last night, we ventured back in to our old suburb. Apart from getting my hair done, it’s the first time I have been back. We were invited to a get together for Christmas drinks, dinner and swimming. Perfect. Only it took me quite a few weeks to decide whether we would be going. You see, when we moved back in July, we not only moved house, but I moved my head space. I made a conscious decision to give myself time away from a place that had not only been home for eight years, but had also been very difficult for me to live in for the last two years we were there.
I’ve written quite a few posts about the shit I went through, but nothing really specific. I don’t find much point in re-hashing past events that I’m “over”, but for your sake I’ll make it short and sweet. When Chelsea started Kindergarten, I met a group of really great chicks. I wasn’t really keen on making new friends as I (and this sounds ridiculous) already had enough good friends to get me through. In fact, I’d only met one of my best friends a couple of years before at playgroup. Anyway, I embraced these new friendships, and before I knew it, there was a group of us that would sit together at school events, get together on weekends, and go out for dinner on occasion. Just after I had my hysterectomy, my best friend started distancing herself from me. And over a month or two, was being so strange around me that I constantly found myself asking her whether I had done something wrong? After many responses from her that all was well, I was left very confused, but was also very aware that she was spending a whole lot more time with one of the other Mums from school, and to be quite honest – I was hurt.
Eventually I ended up emailing her, and really pressing for a reason as to why things had changed between us? And that’s where it all headed down hill. Things deteriorated quite quickly and before I knew it I was a bit of an outcast at school and was ignored and shunned by the same people I had become pretty close with. It devastated me.
Facebook showed me in no uncertain terms that the group were still all friends, and that I had been left out of social gatherings, and my now ex-best friend quite cheerfully changed her profile pics and status updates to include others instead of myself. Whilst a couple of those women still were polite and cheerful to me in person, my trust was damaged and I had no idea what was being made of me behind my back. I had become consumed by the events, and was not coping – I’m not ashamed to say that I ended up in counselling.
Thankfully I have an amazing husband, whom at the time told me in no uncertain terms that this group of women would all eventually combust, and turn against one another. True to his word, this exact thing happened, and some of those same women were left feeling exactly how I had felt.
Throughout this whole shitty ordeal, came a few wonderful things. I met some other amazing Mums at the school. And some I already knew became closer to me, and helped lift me out of the crappy situation I was in.
So my mental health was of utmost importance when we moved. I needed to literally get a whole suburb out of my head. I needed to re-centre my trust and figure out who it was I wanted to keep in touch with. Five months later, and a cuppa with a friend early this week ended my break up with suburbia, and helped me to realise that I was now over it.
Fast forward to last night, and a lovely evening spent with some of those same Mums, talking over drinks and screaming kids in the swimming pool. There wasn’t much talk about the past, I’d spoken to each of the women there already, and had buried the hatchet. It takes a big person to apologise for past mistakes and an even bigger person to let it go. So yep – I’m calling myself a bigger person!
Anyway, this bigger person has had a fabulous day at work and has just popped the kids in to bed. Andrew is comfortably planted on the lounge with PS3 controls firmly in hand and I’m wondering how we are going to manage hiding a bike in the shed for 24 hours without the kids sniffing it out? So with my mental health back at it’s best – I will now go and plant my own arse on a different lounge and think of some more reminiscing to share with you before this year is over!
Have you ever felt a time or place has sucked the life out of you? Do you ever want to throw a video game station out a very high window??